All been said and done before...

I had a wonderful name for a blog. The spectacular vernacular. But just like every thing we feel or 'deal with' on a daily basis, every iota has already been felt and dealt with by some other person or people in another space and time. So the blog name was taken. (Pout)...

So if everything we have ever felt before is just a mirror of someone elses feelings, a repeat in a repetitive conscious, a duplicate and never an original, then why are we so convinced (even us people who claim to be open minded) that our struggles have value and that our days are important. And more pressing, if every thing has been already done before, then where is the handbook to guide us. Where are the diagrams, the flow charts, the graphs, the analysis of the risks versus the analysis of the outcome, a typed ledger eliminating potential, detailing what move to make and when, ensuring we hit the jack-pot?

Where do the scales of justice come in. Who doles out poverty and famine versus wealth, infamy, abundance, clean water, housing, warmth and food?

I have an aunt who has a serious illness. And it plagues me. It intrigues me how she deals with it in her very calm, methodical, logical and rational mind. I want to know how she has masticated on its implications and stowed away the ramifications in the safety of her very private mind. She has been told, I assume, by medical professionals that at certain stages X will occur and then later on Y will occur and then you can expect Z (and so on and so forth). So I am sure she has played out (as I have played out the scenario in my head) where this illness could possibly take her. But then it struck me. We all have been diagnosed with a fatal condition. And our fatal condition is called Life. It is the surprise you could never plan for. And all the regrets and guilt you could ever imagine, compounded.

So what is worse? Perhaps knowing how its going to end, or the not knowing? The best we can all hope for is that our children and significant others will know that we love them. And that our lives were good and meaningful. Beyond that I have no more words. But I am always on the search for more.

How do you live when youre stuck hoping for the best but planning for the worst, never wanting to be caught off guard. At what point do you just let things be?